We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
