I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
