Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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