Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
