if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
