I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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