He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
