So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We left an ass print on the piano.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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