dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
