I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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