what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize