youre lurking in front of me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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