is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
