i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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