My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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