Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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