mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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