I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
