she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
