I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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