I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
