Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
