i permit you to call me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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