Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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