Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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