Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
