Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
