yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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