no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
