I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
