theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
