Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish you could order shots online.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
