I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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