she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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