Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
