he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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