I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
