You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
