??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
