he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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