dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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