Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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