the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
