Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
