Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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