Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
