New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
