Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
