yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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