FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
