Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
