So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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