Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
