Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
