I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
only you would photoshop your dick
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
