I never want to see another naked old woman again.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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