It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
