Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
