3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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