If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
