We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
