i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
