So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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