It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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