I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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