I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
