just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage