Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to