pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.