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She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
lets start a swedish sibling band together
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
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