Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore

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  (703): i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore http://tfl.nu/70pj
  Replies (32) Good night (3010) Bad night (863)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

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  (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory http://tfl.nu/t9t2
  Replies (21) Good night (11049) Bad night (801)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (3159) Bad night (11930)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"

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  (505): These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?" http://tfl.nu/1vuh
  Replies (8) Good night (1332) Bad night (3557)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

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  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
  Replies (380) Good night (2145) Bad night (54189)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

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  (970): At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name http://tfl.nu/d4zs
  Replies (12) Good night (3847) Bad night (1103)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.

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  (443): Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar. http://tfl.nu/j1fg
  Replies (12) Good night (4851) Bad night (1442)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from

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  (931): That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from http://tfl.nu/4gf0
  Replies (12) Good night (2518) Bad night (636)
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  (510): View more from California

  A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"

  (1-510): View more from California

  Berkeley was the right choice

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  (510): A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by" (1-510): Berkeley was the right choice http://tfl.nu/la9d
  Replies (6) Good night (1539) Bad night (454)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.

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  (252): If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech. http://tfl.nu/hajp
  Replies (7) Good night (1891) Bad night (504)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least

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  (541): Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least http://tfl.nu/6jj4
  Replies (5) Good night (1142) Bad night (432)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.

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  (479): Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question. http://tfl.nu/6lny
  Replies (6) Good night (857) Bad night (382)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right

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  (610): I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right http://tfl.nu/fw6i
  Replies (2) Good night (522) Bad night (611)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.

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  (713): I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover. http://tfl.nu/74mv
  Replies (3) Good night (578) Bad night (225)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.

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  (+44): Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again. http://tfl.nu/5f8v
  Replies (2) Good night (214) Bad night (472)

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