sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
