get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
