sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
