So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
