Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
