Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They took my balls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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