I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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