The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
