I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I look better un-naked...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
