end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
